Friday, October 5, 2012

How public, like a frog!

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us--don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
--Emily Dickinson



Being fat is very public.  With the amount of stares I get, I sometimes feel like I should be walking around after a cryer calling "Fat person coming!"

I'm a pretty private person generally, so I've never tried to lose weight in public before.  From what I've seen, people are even crueler hiding behind their monitors.  The general, and wrong, consensus is that being fat is an easy thing to fix.  After all, all you need to do is eat less than you spend. Calories in, calories out.  

At this point in my life, though, I'm no longer afraid of what people will say about me or how I eat.  I know that N=1.  The totality of my experience with my weight and body means that when it comes to losing weight, I'm the expert on me.  What somebody else did to lose weight is interesting and could be helpful but will never again become my program.

I'm definitely still learning and I still have a lot to learn but I'm no longer thin skinned enough to get hurt by bullying and the kind of concern trolling that Kenneth Krause put Jennifer Livingston through.


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